growing up I always love to write I never really have much confidence in what I do but when I have no choice but to show my work people would tell me what a talent I have I do not want to brag or show off what I can do I just want to have fun and keep enjoying what I am doing but because of one criticism at a crucial time I turn down a offer which could have change my life. At times I wonder what would have happen if I had not give up and acceapted the offer my teacher gave me about getting the story I wrote to be published. I was going through alot of problems at home and I felt everything was hopeless that I will never be good at anything. I want to regain that passion for writing once again I must be stupid thinking I could give that up. writing is something I could always turn to and I felt that I chose to abandon it when I make that decision to give up. I was so fustrated at the time I thought everything I wrote was rubbish I felt I lost the will to write. I now realized that it was because I was living and thinking on what people  expect of me I wanted to be perfect which caught me blindsighted. In the past when I write I write whatever I want with not a care in the world just me and the paper. What would have happen if it was a success? I would not live to people expectation or take too hard people criticism because the writing is back on

I feel that I been unfair to darren lately being a spoilt brat and just being horrible to him I used to do the same thing to him in the beginning of our relationship he did not treat me as horrible as I have been treating him he have always been so understanding and patient with me no matter how many times i did not pick up or hang up on him he never said anything to hurt me but yet all I been doing is sending him bad messages and signals instead of answering back he giving me my space to chill and try to understand that he cant spend time with me all the time when I want and that he does his best to be there even though he so far away right now at the moment he has a new job and he cant answer as often and he always tired when he done due to the long hours I have to understand and bear with it for the time being until things settle down as he once told me I miss him so much that I acted really stupid just as he have to bear waiting to see me I am beginning to see how hard it is for him when we do not talk because at times it feels unbearable I love him and I hope he pass when he meet my dad

things are getting intensely awesome here my friend invited only me out of everybody to join her and her family at a fair on tuesday since they only got one ticket left and she pick me I am so excited and I am getting baptist on easter which is next week my friends are so awesome I really appreciate how they would stay behind and wait with me till my mum comes they could have left and went home since they got their own cars but instead they choose to stay and wait with me. I really bless to have met such awesome people. I am really excited for easter and the events we are having at church. I feel that this is my reward for sticking with him when I was going through all those tribulations when I was in england. The bible say when you turn to god no matter what your situation t the end of the day he will bless you abundantly.I feel so bless to have such an awesome family awesome friends life cant get any better than this.

I am not related to a whore like her I am prettier and so much better than her I will be successful while the chances of her ending up as a prostitute are high which is what she is good at behaving like a slut her plans for what she wants to do when she have kids sickens me the way she want to experiment her products on them and let everyone else do the rest if she abuse me that bad how bad will her kids suffer People like her should get banned from children she shave one of my cousin her just because she was not happy with the way my cousin look I vow to never let my future family have anything to do with her especially my kids and vice versa she will never have anything to do with my life anymore if she ever in trouble I will let her suffer give her a taste of her own medicine she is not going to ruin or take away the life I work so hard to get back If I had not held on to hope she would have succeeded in destroying me the only person that matter to her is herself which will be her downfall she use and manipulate people but I pray people will see the truth she only do this when she want something from them I pray she will never come or part of my life ever again

yes I want to move on from what my relatives in england did to me especially that slutty bitch I want to be happy but all I can think of is what they did and how I how I do not want to be like her I have a great family a loving boyfriend and awesome friends by my side what more can I ask for things are looking great but its all these thought and distractions of the past and I am so scared if I let it get to me everything will start to fall apart again I work so hard to get my life back together after what they put me through I guess I am trying so hard to hold and protect everything I hold dear now fearing it may get taken away I guess I still fear the threat that bitch made to me on how she say she going take everything away from me just because I voice out what she been doing to me against her.

sometimes I wonder why did this disease choose me will I ever get the chance to be normal be like everybody else because of this disease I want to feel and do things without ever feeling scared of what could happen could I ever have friends or fall in love without worrying what people will think or what could happen if I lose control it not easy living with a mental illness but no matter how much people upset me I want to keep smiling and going because I want to be persistent in my life Ever since I was young I always felt and knew I am not like everybody else I guess that why I want to be normal so bad so I can fit in and people will acceapt me better I would not have to rely on anything or anybody I can do things on my own without people having to worry about me I try to hide the fact I have to take medication and see doctors so nobody will know there something wrong with me and wont treat or stare at me like im different I hate it when people give me the special treatment,stare and say strange things about me at times I feel like crying my eyes out begging god to take the disease away even though its uncurable in a way im glad because it help me become stronger than a normal person I doubt they can live a day hearing voices in their head for me I have to live with it everyday at first it always seem like a nitemare you wish you can wake up from but when you learn it and follow your treatment it not so bad even though they dun completely take the voices away you cant give up that easily I believe there will be a cure one day I wonder what will my life be like after I take it but for now I will keep doing my best

I would not brag and say I am perfect or prove how I am better than everyone else because I know in reality that would make me a liar. I can not stand people like that. It ok to be happy and proud of something you are part of but it just wrong when you only interact with people within your social group and disregard everyone else who do not share the same beliefs or not part of the group you are in. Everyone is different if we were all the same life would be simply boring. Just imagine having the same conversation never discovering anything new about somebody or learn something new from them. Everybody deserve a chance you may never know what you could get out of it maybe that someone could help you get out of a situation or somebody you can rely on you never know. What will we gain if we ignore and put aside people who we see as unfit or do not share the same beliefs as we do. Why not we put our pride aside and begin to acceapt others who cares what other people think. I did not care when people start talking trash about my friends even to my face because they are my friends and I believe trust is an important factor when it comes to anything. Just because many of my friends left church does not mean I should turn my back or disregard them like many people did. I should respect their decision and continue our friendship because what the point of losing a friend over something that not worth it.I still talk to these friends and I am glad to know that they always have my back just as much they believe in me.